The End of an Era...

We are at the end of our term in Sudan. I leave in two days. Time has flown…some days flew by, I guess. As we finish, I find myself somewhat sentimental but also extremely excited. I suppose good-byes are usually bittersweet.
Saying ‘good-byes’ are important in this culture. If you go and don’t say good-bye, it can be an insult to the person who isn’t informed of the leave. Because of this, I began saying my ‘good-byes’ about a month ago in an effort to make sure I saw all of the people I needed to see.
However, as I was saying good-bye to friends, telling them I will probably never see them again, I was astounded by their reaction. Most people who were informed of our leaving simply responded by saying, “Well, you’ll be back in about a year, so we’ll see you again.” I kept trying to insist, “No, I don’t think you will see me again,” but they would say, “Yeah, that’s what all of you say but then five months, maybe 8 months later, you are here again. We’ll see you again.” It became a big frustration for me. No one seemed to grasp that I really AM NOT coming back (or at least have no plans to return any time soon). While this is a somewhat selfish response, I kept thinking, “Won’t ANYONE miss us when we’re gone? These are some of my best Dinka friends, and they don’t care at all that we are leaving!” While I know the Lord has used our time here to further His kingdom, I’ve often found myself wondering if our time was worth it if the people didn’t care that we were leaving.
Finally, I went to see a Dinka friend of mine who has worked with foreigners a lot and is familiar with western cultures. As I was saying good-bye to him, he said, “I will know that you are not coming back to Sudan, but for my heart, I will try to carry hope in it. So, I will say to myself, ‘I know Ayen is never coming back, but maybe one day she will return when she is needed because we cannot go through this day thinking we will never see her again. We will see her again. We must see her again.’ And that is why Dinka people, we never say ‘good-bye’.”
After his explanation, I understood better what all of the farewells actually meant. Yesterday, Jamie and I were meeting with one of the women’s groups we have been meeting with for the last year and a half. These are incredible ladies who have become great friends, and I will be very sad to leave them. As we said good-bye to them, they continued to do the traditional “see you later” rather than discussing how we aren’t returning. However, as we talked about our departure plans, one of the ladies decided that saying good-bye that day wasn’t good enough. She said, “We will come to the airport to tell you farewell. We will sing songs for you as you fly away in the airplane. We will see you until you leave.” And as we left yesterday afternoon, every single lady said, “I’ll see you Friday at the airport. We’ll sing and pray as you fly away.”
As we were taking one final picture with all of the women, one lady leaned over to Jamie and said, “My eyes are bringing water,” or in other words, she had tears in her eyes. And I realized God had allowed us to see in some small way that we are loved by at least a few here. As I have spent the last two years learning to love the Dinka, it’s so humbling and amazing to realize that we are loved by some of them, too. Having heard the women talk about how their lives have changed since learning more about Jesus, it’s so amazing to realize that not only are WE loved by these Dinka women, but JESUS is loved by them, too. So, even though I still have to sort through every farewell to decipher what it really means, I can leave knowing that the Lord used our time here to further His kingdom after all!

A New Year

Well, folks, we’ve hit another milestone. Another year has passed, and another has begun. Welcome to 2010.

Like most other years, I decided that I needed to have some kind of New Year’s resolution to uphold for at least the first few weeks of 2010. I never do very well with these, primarily because they are always a half-baked idea...something that I know I SHOULD do but don’t necessarily have any desire or motivation to see myself accomplish. This year, I resolved to put only one scoop of sugar in my tea. After a year and a half of drinking Dinka-style tea, where an inch-thick layer of sugar rests at the bottom of the glass, unable to completely dissolve in the mixture, I find that I put too much sugar in my tea these days. I have decided to cut back.

While in many situations in life, I am an optimist, in this one, I am a realist. I know that in a few weeks, I will probably go back to putting several scoops of sugar in my tea. This won’t be intentional, and I will put up a decent effort to avoid it; however, I just don’t really WANT it. I don’t WANT my tea to taste bitter. I like my tea with lots of sugar now. I have learned that meeting goals all boils down to what I really desire in life...what I really WANT to see happen. What I crave. What I yearn to have. If I don’t desire something with my whole being, I will never see it through.

This year has been a series of ups and downs. It’s been a challenging but exciting year, and we’ve seen God do some amazing things among the Dinka people. We’ve also seen a lot of Dinka people who desperately need God. I’ve learned a lot about what it means to do this kind of work, and I’ve learned a lot about God and myself. And what I’ve learned more than anything else is that for most of my life, I have not fully desired God with my whole being. And then I’m surprised when I find that yet again, I have not followed through on something that God has told me to do.

I have been studying Matthew 5-7 for several weeks now for a variety of reasons. At the end of chapter 6, one verse always seems to stand out to me. After the chapter talks about not worrying about worldly goods, food, clothing, and life, there is this little nugget of a verse that says, “But seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt. 6:33). Seek FIRST God’s kingdom and His righteousness. Above everything else, we should be seeking God’s kingdom and His righteousness. Above everything else, we should desire HIM. His kingdom and His righteousness.

As I drank a cup of very bitter tea this evening, I heard the song “All Along” by Remedy Drive (you should listen to it if you get a chance!) and found it to be very appropriate for today...for this new year. In the song, it talks about how the world just never seems to be enough. How all along, we are looking for something more...the so much more that IS Jesus Christ.

Long story short, this year I realized that my resolution for this year and every other year should be to desire God, fully and with my whole being. To desire Christ in my life. To WANT Him more than anything else. To desire His glory in everything I do. To treasure the time I get to spend in His presence...in His kingdom. To cherish His righteousness, through which I am made holy. No matter what the world may put in my path as the most desirable of things, I need to desire Him first. To seek Him first in everything. To want to worship Him and praise Him for what He is doing and has done.

Luke 12:34 says “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” So my prayer for 2010 and the rest of my life is that I would desire and treasure the kingdom of Jesus Christ...and that my heart would reside with Him always.